


i was there for you (all i ever wanted was the truth)

by emilyrambles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Princess Mechanic, some princess mechanic angst because we need more of that clearly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:13:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5134037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyrambles/pseuds/emilyrambles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is back. For everyone else that means they can finally recover and move on with their lives and stop worrying about Clarke's safety. For Clarke, however, it's going to take her a lot longer to face what she's done.</p><p>To face the one person she values the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i was there for you (all i ever wanted was the truth)

"Hey Raven it's me." Octavia calls and Raven waves a hand in greeting but doesn't turn around from her workstation; clearly involved with whatever she is making. Octavia takes this as a good sign and ushers Clarke forward.

"Who is with you?" Raven asks and they both freeze.

"Clarke." Octavia replies and Raven scoffs. Clarke's heart is suddenly awfully heavy and her throat is dry. Octavia tries to find words to either comfort Clarke or engage with Raven but her mouth betrays her. Clarke feels like either screaming or crying; anything to get Raven's attention, even though she doesn't deserve it. Seconds feel like hours for them stood there waiting for anything to happen.

Breaking the awkward silence, Bellamy suddenly appears at the door, gives Clarke a quick nod of acknowledgement and says, "O, Lincoln's looking for you."

Octavia starts walking towards him but hesitates. Clarke realises she doesn't want to leave her and Raven alone, and so she mouths _I'll be fine_ at her and Octavia nods, following Bellamy out of the room.

Clarke stares at Raven.

She takes in the curve of her back and the softness of her skin; the tight braids in her hair drawn up into a ponytail seems too familiar but strange to Clarke all at once. She realises with a pang of guilt that it's the first time she's been truly alone with Raven since she left, and there she is just staring.

"How have you been?" her voice is more confident than she feels, and Raven's lack of response makes her slightly anxious.

She takes a few steps forward so she's within touching distance of Raven, who tenses visibly at the movement. She still doesn't turn round or reply.

Clarke clears her throat, and her palms are starting to sweat. "What are you making?"

Raven puts down the wires she holds in her hands and picks up a short blade. She then starts cutting open some bare circuits and panelling from a broken radio. She pauses in her actions when she realises the silent treatment probably won't work with Clarke and she sighs.

"Bombs." she grunts and picks up the wires again.

"Bombs." Clarke repeats, feeling slightly embarrassed at her rather lacklustre reply, and with some satisfaction Raven smirks at her discomfort. Clarke's heart starts to beat a little faster. This is not how she pictured this moment at all.

"Yeah Clarke, bombs, like I usually make. You know some of us carried on with our lives." Raven's reply cuts sharp and is loaded with bitterness. Clarke swallows with some difficulty.

"Listen Raven-"

" _Don't_." Raven suddenly stands up from her chair, but still doesn't turn around. Something metallic falls off the workbench and clatters onto the floor, and Raven's fists clench tightly. Clarke doesn't know whether she wants to leave, or hug Raven until she can't breathe anymore.

"Don't what?" she whispers.

"Don't say anything. Just leave." she can practically feel the anger coursing through the other girl's body. Fuck.

"Raven." It's the first time she's said her name since leaving and it acts like a trigger for the tears to start falling from her eyes.

" _Clarke_." Raven pleads.

"Turn around." Clarke may be crying but her voice is surprisingly steady, and it fills her with confidence.

"No."

"Raven _turn around_." she commands and Raven shifts slightly but still refuses to look at Clarke. The movement spurs anger within herself now, and she's going to get Raven to fucking talk to her like a proper grown up should.

"LOOK AT ME." she yells, her voice cracking. Raven jumps like she's been electrocuted and finally turns around, meeting Clarke's eyes with watery ones of her own.

Clarke's always loved the colour of Raven's eyes.

"Happy now?" Raven chokes out.

"No of course not-"

"You left." Raven says, her voice scarily quiet after Clarke's yell. Clarke hates it. "You left and you didn't come back."

"I-"

"I waited for you," Raven refuses to drop eye contact with Clarke now, like she's got something to prove and maybe she has but Clarke doesn't think she can handle it, "I waited for you. Bellamy came in and told us you'd left and I wanted to go after you but I'd just been _tortured_ , in case you forgot, and wasn't really in the best way. But for the next two weeks I sat outside and stared at the forest, sometimes so intensely I thought I could just magic you back. But you'd gone." her voice cracks at the last few words and fresh tears fall from Clarke's eyes, "You'd gone and I looked like the fool who still believed in you."

"Raven-"

"And then you came back and everyone celebrated but they told me you needed space to recover and so I did, I left you space. Then you called Bellamy in and Octavia and Jasper and Monty and even Lincoln-" the words are tumbling out of Raven like the dam that exploded and Clarke knows where she's going with her rant and it's all her fault. "Then I waited again. But you never asked for me." Raven scoffs and the bitterness is laced in her voice again.

"Do you know why I never asked for you?" Clarke says and Raven's hand curls into a fist again. She looks so close to breaking completely and it scares Clarke more than anything she's faced on the ground so far.

"Enlighten me. I'd like to hear your excuse."

"Because out of everyone I knew you'd be the one who understood the most. I knew that after what I did, you'd understand why I did it and then you'd hate me."

"Bellamy understood you."

"I didn't kill Bellamy's family." She doesn't say Finn's name but the implication weighs heavy in the air and Raven blinks slowly. "I ruined everything that you ever loved and yet you still hugged me when I went to stop the missle. Do you know how much that meant to me?" Clarke can't help her feelings from spilling out and at this point she's not entirely sure she wants them to stop.

"Clarke you saved Finn from torture. You had your reasons to do what you did to him. Even I realised that."

"Exactly my point," her head feels lightheaded and she's slightly dizzy with emotion, for one crazy moment she almost laughs,"See you understand me more than anyone in this camp and it frustrates me and scares me and when I came back I was a coward. I couldn't face you."

"Clarke I could never hate you."

"That's a lie. You've hated me before and you can't deny it."

"I didn't hate you. I just hated what you did, but we all have to do things to survive." Raven takes a step forward and Clarke can't stop shaking. "I once told Finn we all have battle scars, so we have to suck it up and build a brace for them. Looking back that's probably the most realistic thing I've said."

"Mmm." she can't even speak now, the pain and anguish she left Raven in washes over her in waves of guilt.

And then Raven grabs her and pulls her in close. She hugs her and for one moment all of Clarke's worries and pain disappears. For one moment they're just Clarke and Raven and there's no bombs to build or evil to fight. They're just finding comfort in each other's arms.

"We're going to be okay aren't we?" Clarke mumbles against Raven's neck, and Raven's shivers are nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

"Always." she replies and Clarke believes her.


End file.
